Tis’ the season… no not The Holidays. Tis the Season of Love! The lyrics to Love is in the Air by Tom Jones and Love is All Around Us by Billy Mack (a.k.a. Bill Nighy) orbit and swirl through my head on a regular basis.
I’ve broken out in song at Target, the grocery store,
Jazzercise; well, pretty much everywhere. Except for one place. Wherever my
kids are. Because as we all know, once you become a parent you are not allowed
to sing in public. I’m sure even the likes of Paul McCartney, Gwen Stefani and Celine
Dion get told to shush if they so much as hum a tune once their kids turned ten
years old.
Why those two songs versus all the others, I have no idea. If I play the game, "say the first thing you think of" this is what comes to mind. A few years ago I
was on the same flight as Tom Jones … he’s much shorter than you’d imagine and the
way his head swiveled around baggage claim he gave the impression that he was
looking for adoring fans. To be fair, a few women (myself included) were staring
at him, but I think we were all trying to see what had induced women
to throw their knickers on the stage. Bill Nighy is a seriously fascinating man to watch; his eyes are full of devilment, his voice oddly soothing, and as an actor he is quite
quirky. This list of words is important: short, swivel, confusion, acting,
quirky.
Back to the question, where does this focus on love come
from?? Well, I’ll tell the story, but will keep names to myself as I want to
remain loved by those in love.
It’s Middle School! The Hypothalamus kicks in and screams to
the Pituitary Gland, “Make Estrogen!” Or “More Testosterone needed!!” The body
chugs and churns, producing more and more of these little critters, 24/7. Soon
the body is pulsating with the stuff. It ripples through the minds and into the
veins of Middle Schoolers in quantities mostly forgotten by those over the age
of 20. And all this churning takes place inside short, confused, quirky people
who are trying to act cool and in control.
Though I know love is alive and well everywhere, I think
there is nothing quite as amazing as witnessing the seemingly overnight transition
of kids who’ve never before noticed the opposite sex to suddenly realizing they
might like to talk to and possibly make physical contact with the object of
their amour.
Not all that many years ago I held tiny infants in my arms
and wondered all sorts of things. Would they like broccoli? Would they like to
read? Would they be able to carry a tune? (MacGyver has an issue with this particular skill.) Every day has been about learning the
answers to these many questions and so as one piece of the puzzle gets placed,
the picture becomes more complete.
When your kids are little, they are your whole world, and
you are theirs. Gradually more and more people enter the story. Yet, at the
very beginning it is just you and them. In quiet moments when I wondered about
broccoli, algebra, and having rhythm, I couldn’t fathom the day when their
heart would be entrusted to someone who could nurture them or break it to
smithereens.
What is fabulous is that while your kids become more of who
they are, so are you evolving. As time has passed I have watched in awe as
tentative conversations and sweeping gestures have been made. Way back when my
fluff-ball was in First Grade, a lovely boy gave her a charm bracelet just
before he moved far away. He wanted to give her something to remember him by.
The charms were well thought out, it’s made of real silver, and she has kept
track of it all these years. (No small feat given three moves, the transition
of toys to make-up, and the revolving/evolving clutter that is in her room.)
The boys’ mom and I watched them scamper down the path to a
tree they always hung out in and watched the tender exchange. The only sadness
I felt was that he was leaving and that she would be without her best friend.
Of course, they were six years old. So, gentle for us all. Though he remains in
her memories affectionately, she moved on gracefully.
This past summer my kids, who are in their early teens, started
hanging out with me less and less and more and more with other kids. Trying to
do the right thing, I read parenting articles, called friends who had already
turned this corner, and then went with my gut. I must say, it was a summer
unlike any other. Though there were roller coaster moments, there were many, many more where I watched clusters of kids chat and laugh. Music is a really important medium for kids to bond around, so while I chauffeured herds around town, I listened to them sing… loud… and mostly off-key.
Then, wham! School started. New kids came their way, old
friendships were re-established, and with just a few weeks of the three R’s
barely under our belts, the lyrics to Love is in the Air began to swirl. Because,
So-and-So is dating What’s-her-Name and You-Know-Who is crushing on That-Guy-Who-Wears-Contacts-But-Now-Has-Braces!”
“Love is in the air, Everywhere I look around! Love is in
the air, every sight and every sound!”
I will simply say that as the parent of a child who is
smitten and is being smitten back, my thoughts are no longer about broken
hearts or feelings nurtured. I am trying keep my child focused. While I
rejoice and am touched by the exploration of feelings, experiences, and all the
rest, I need homework to get done!! Chores to be remembered. And one other tiny
thing… other relationships. No, I am not jealous. It is about teaching balance.
There are still only 24 hours in a day and all the usual needs to happen, as
well as the Cutie-Pie waiting for the phone call. (Incidentally, I am starting
to understand my parents better and better.)
Okay, more love to be witnessed! My lovely niece married her
Bride recently. Both wrote their own vows and while I don’t know if either knew
what the other had written beforehand, the words spoken were heartfelt, funny,
in sync, and deeply personal.
“Love is all around us, it’s everywhere we go.”
We need love, much like we need water. And we find love in
places unexpected. As I sat looking at the calendar a few weeks ago I realized
that all my nieces and nephews have been married in September. This September
also marked my knowing my man MacGyver for half my life. I fell headlong
into twitterpation with him in September. It is the month of love!
My parents met Mac the day after we were engaged (to be
fair, he and I live a few hours from them and it was less than three months
into our relationship). I invited Mac to attend my father’s ordination into the
Episcopalian priesthood with me. We had decided beforehand that we wouldn’t
share the news as it was my father’s big day and my mother’s birthday. Two days before I had seen my brother,
and being the savvy guy that he is, he sensed something was up. At the
reception following the ordination he asked me what was going on. Mac and I shared
a moment of telepathy and then happily announced we had become engaged the
night before. Like wildfire, my siblings found out. To stop the random
strangers, who were overhearing this news, from congratulating my parents, we
decided we’d best tell them. So, standing in a huddle in the midst of a few
hundred people I shared our joy with my parents. Because love is like that.
When it is in you, it wants to burst free and work its magic on anyone within
proximity.
It was only after we’d been married a few years and had
faced a few bumps in the road that I realized the true enormity of commitment
vows. Two people making ginormous promises to see each other through all kinds
of stuff... stuff that most of us can’t know about until time passes, decisions
are made, and then decisions are lived with. Our parents sit back and watch us
take these vows and I’m sure they hold their breath and wonder when they can
exhale.
It’s mostly easy being the aunt, watching beloved nieces and
nephews grow up, follow their hearts, and make commitments. Not because I don’t
worry about them, but because I know and love them differently than their parents
do. Maybe it is objectivity. I don’t know. I’ve actually tried to put words to
my feelings, but all I come up with is that their choices feel right. My
beloved family is happy and there is nothing I want more.
As my kid’s mom, I have to say that I’m sure along the way I
will have moments of trepidation, many experiences will not go according to
plan, and even if they do, something is going to end with a splat. I’ve said it
a thousand times, but my kids dazzle me. They are pretty solid people. Yes,
they are works in progress, but I feel excited about this phase that we are entering. It’s a lot
like the broccoli question. Of course, way back when, I also wondered who they would find
interesting, attractive, and trustworthy. They have shown amazing judgment in life
so far and while the path isn’t long, the path has been easy to follow.
So, while I expected a blonde and not a brunette, this new young
person is helping us spread our wings, and we'll be forever grateful to
sit on the sidelines and learn about love in a new way.
Finally, to witness one of the most interesting duets EVER, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOXLgBmvJNo !
As always, thanks for reading!
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